Right now, who are you avoiding a conversation with?

In a recent workshop, I asked this question. What surprised me: most people weren't avoiding their boss or difficult colleague. They were avoiding someone outside of work—a partner, a family member, a friend.

Here's what that tells me: We've separated "work conversations" from "life conversations" as if they're different skills – but they're not. The way you handle conflict with your co-founder when they question your judgment, that's the same pattern you learned at your dinner table growing up. The defender, the fixer, the person who goes silent—these aren't work masks you put on. They're you.

Which means that the conversation you're avoiding with your teammate about the Q1 roadmap isn't really about the roadmap. It's about the same thing that's always been hard for you: being challenged, disappointing someone, admitting you don't have answers.

Conflict is a constant in the workplace, costing billions each year in lost time, stalled progress, and eroded trust. Most of it stays unspoken — in the conversations avoided, the feedback unsaid, and the tensions left to fester. This article introduces the concept of Intelligent Conflict — a practical approach for leaders and teams to reframe conflict as a normal part of work and use it as a driver of clarity, trust, and better outcomes.

In a lot of chemistry calls and early coaching conversations, I hear some version of this:

“I am suddenly in a new leadership role and and I have no idea what it means to be a leader. What am I supposed to be doing?”
“I need to be more confident in how I show up, but I feel like there’s so much ambiguity right now I can’t get grounded.”
“I’ve just stepped into a bigger role — and I’m not sure who I need to be now.”

These are real, honest reflections. And they usually show up at a moment of change — a new challenge, a bigger team, or a sense that the way you’ve been leading doesn’t quite fit anymore.